Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
