guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
