My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
