i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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