I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
