Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
It's official drugs can't kill me
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
