Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
