You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
