Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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