Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Randomize
