awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
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I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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