I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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