And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
