I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize