What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
