just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
