Midget sex pt 2 tonight
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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