It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
