dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
