You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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