the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
