I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
