My liver just broke up with me...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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