According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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