did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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