and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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