And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
