You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
