Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
