Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
