Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
