summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
