I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
