This is not my ceiling
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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