So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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