I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
did i just pee glitter
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
