my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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