We won't sleep together?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
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Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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