It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
