Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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