what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
50% drunk capacity currently
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
