I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
