In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
