from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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