we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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