we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
