When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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