he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
