careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
PANTIES FOUND
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
