yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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