and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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