she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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