Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
