Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
