im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
