My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize