so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
