It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
